Monday, January 30, 2012

Check If Your Mum Is A Grumpy Old Woman Like Mine!

As some of you will know, Mum's friend Aunty Lou came to visit recently. As Mum & Aunty Lou were talking (and boy, can they talk!) I lay on the sofa and listened. We had the inevitable "You realise we were only 19 when we met; it seems like only yesterday" and quite a lot of looking horrified when realising that an eminent professor, President or Prime Minister was younger than them. No one younger than them could have achieved so much, right? Wrong! They finished on the depressing thought that rock stars and actors they had been in love with as teenagers were now drawing their Old Age Pension.

All of this got me thinking. I know, I know. I can hear you all now saying " Be careful Deccy, you will tire yourself out" but fear not; I lay down to do it and power-napped at intervals.

What I thought was, my Mum meets pretty much all the criteria for being a Grumpy Old Woman! You will understand, I'm sure, that GOW is a state of mind rather than a specific age, and anyway I would not be so un - gallant as to reveal Mum's age.

Here is a short quiz for your amusement:
  • In what year was The Beatles Album " Sgt Peppr's Lonely Hearts Club Band" released?
  • Three quarters of an hour is how many minutes?
  • When did Elvis Presley marry Priscilla?
  • 46 minus 1 equals what?

 You may want to use this handy check list to see if you too have a GOW in the house....

She Shouts at Other Drivers
 " Don't feel the need to signal; you go ahead and pull right in front of me. No really, I LIKE being cut up. Moron"

Teenage Boys' Jeans
"What possesses their parents to allow them out with the waistband 1" above their genitals, the back pockets behind their knees and displaying a good 6" of their underpants? And why don't their trousers fall off when they move?"

Teenage Girls
"It's the middle of winter and they are wearing 6" heels, a miniskirt and no coat. They'll catch their death...."

Children in general
"I don't mind them at all... as long as they are kept in an hermetically sealed box until they are 25".

The Supermarket
When asked by the spotty teenager at check out if she can confirm she is old enough to buy alcohol. She listens to the sniggers in the queue behind and then replys: " Take the legal age, double it and add 9. Oh I forgot. Your generation can't do mental arithmetic.."

Automated Call Centres
She talks to them. " My call is important to you? Well you would have answered by now if it was. What do you mean I'm 5th in the queue?! I've been on hold for 40 minutes. This is costing me a bl**dy fortune you know..."

Current Music
" It all sounds like a cat on Mogodon, possibly after someone has stood on its tail. Blondie, The Police, The Pretenders - now that's proper music"

When waiting for another driver to park. "Oh for God's sake, how difficult can it be? You could fit the QE2 in that space" Apparently this is a saying she picked up from my human Grandad. I assume he was a Grumpy Old Man!

So how many points does your Mum score? Grumpy Old Woman, or not quite there yet? I think the same test can probably be used on your Dads. Let me know how you all get along. Hehe!

Grumpy Old Women - British TV show